Politically Correct Statements

In polite society people are very careful not to offend others and resort to rephrasing of plain statements into what seemed to be more acceptable and less blunt way of expressing inferiority, deficiency and inadequacy in others.

Not all politically appropriate way of saying things have been quite  "correct" as some seemed contrived and others awkward...but it always takes a level of wit to manage the alternative expressions.

Here's a sampler.

Politically Correct Statements

She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.

She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.

She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.

She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.

She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.

She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.

Your bedroom isn’t cluttered, it’s just “passage restrictive.”

Kids don’t get grounded anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps.”
You’re not late, you just have a “rescheduled arrival time.”

You’re not having a bad hair day, you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome.”
No one’s tall anymore. He’s “vertically enhanced.”
You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”
You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”

It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “the speedy transmission of near-factual information.”

The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged.”
No one fails a class anymore, he’s merely “passing impaired.”

You don’t have detention, you’re just one of the “exit delayed.”

These days, a student isn’t lazy. He’s “energetically declined.”

Your locker isn’t overflowing with junk, it’s just “closure prohibitive.”

Your homework isn’t missing, its just having an “out-of-notebook experience.”

You’re not sleeping in class, you’re “rationing consciousness.”

You don’t have smelly gym socks, you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear.”

You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations.”

You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.”